Over at The RefBlog, The Ref has been doing a ‘best of 2007’ series and he highlighted an excellent post he did last year about how the worst behavior exhibited towards referees seems to come from youth matches, not adult now professional matches:
The only thing that really caught my attention to the article was at the beginning, where they listed the possible consequences: vandalism, death threats, changed lifestyles – all because of a call the big time officials made… except it’s not. All too often we get those same problems in the trenches of community leagues. How difficult is it to find the name of an official then look it up in the phone book? How about when you see the referee later? When I had to quit playing soccer because of threats of bodily injury, I had people write back that they had to make the same decision: to run the risk of someone taking it out on you because you reffed in the past – who cares about present tense – you can quit and they can still be after you.
Now that may sound extreme, but anyone involved in youth soccer as a referee or league administrator will tell you it’s not.
I personally have stepped in to block an irate coach from going after a referee after a U8 match that coach was banned from our league for a number of years. I’ve had a parent complain to me about the quality of refereeing at her son’s match, with the referee right there with us (he was our most senior official) and she actually accused him of taking money under the table. This was a U10 Rec match.
But all that pales in comparison to an email off the SocRef mailing list that The Ref highlighted:
After cajoling my 14 year old into taking the basic course we went to a small local tournament and the assignor, a good friend who had refereed some of the kid’s games made a terrible error because he was short of bodies and instead of giving her a line tossed her right into the meat grinder. We both protested, but he pleaded and she gave in.
I was on the next field doing a U12 and she had U-10s with Stanley Screamer for a coach. This idiot was trying to play an off-side trap with a U-10 coed team and a rookie official. I could hear the yelling clearly and when my game wrapped up went right o the touchline and this guy was absolutely out of control. The assignor had already been called by the opposing coach and the guy had been warned, but nothing was going to deter him from making his points. He was losing 6 – 1 at that point and had kids on the team in tears because they seemed unable to conduct a proper off-side trap.
My first step was to sidle up to him and say “the kid is a rookie, you are making things worse and I am asking you to stop screaming” The guy went off on me and when game ended my kid stalked over to the touchline threw her whistle at the assignor and said “I am never ever going to referee another soccer game, find some other dope!” That was a signal for coach who could not leave well enough alone to make a disparaging comment about her abilities where upon my really neat kid used language I associated with my old Navy buddies and suggested that he do something physically impossible.
By this time some parents from the both teams were on the touchline and a local cop who I had grown up with (Bert) was on the site mediating when the coach then referred to my daughter with the most disgusting description for any woman and I lost it and I invited him to the parking lot. My friend, the assignor was trying to hold me saying ‘Phil, you’ll never get another game” as if I cared.
Using a Navy term it was time for “General Quarters” and I was going to have parts of the guy regardless – that is when Bert flew out of the crowd, tackled the guy, threw him down, and had the cuffs on in a heartbeat. Bert was screaming at the guy and it was then I think the guy realized he had made a serious error in judgment and started to apologize. Bert was having none of it, called for the on-duty patrol car and tossed the guy into the back and they took him off to cool his heels at the station house.
After taking my kid home, I went to the station house and signed the complaint. The follow-up was that he took a serious hit when we went to court, and then was suspended from youth soccer for five years.
PS I am still looking for him.
The mind absolutely boggles, yet this is not that unusual. We had a similar situation in a U8 Recreational match. This is soccer with 6 and 7 year olds! It was late in the season and the assignor wanted to get some of the more experienced teenagers some experience in the middle. So he assigned a crew to this match that was all teenagers, though the center had previously done matches as a CR with older ARs. One parent spectator got so loud and obnoxious, the CR stopped the match for a bit to ask the parent to calm down. The parent then went over near one of the ARs and yelled at her so much she was in tears by the end of the match. When I addressed this with that team’s parents, I was pretty stern and noted no matter what they thought about the officiating, they should never address the referees – ever – and doing so put them at risk of sanctions. I figured I would get no response and life would go on. But I soon had at least 4 parents actively arguing with me over the quality of the referees and how they paid money just like everyone else and using U8 as a training ground for officials wasn’t right – they wanted qualified adults. They felt their behavior was not that big a deal – and this wasn’t even from the guy who caused the most trouble! It got pretty ugly and I was just floored by it. The AR still officiates and plays, but the center, who was a very promising referee, seems to have moved on to other things.
Yes – I have felt some referees were over their heads. Yes, I’ve lost matches due to blown calls. Yes, I’ve spoken, um, loudly to officials during a match. But it is rare, and often is limited to an ‘Are you kidding?’ or ‘No way that was offside!’. I’m human after all! But any outburst is limited and rare. I will absolutely go to an official after a match and ask about something if I thought it was blatantly wrong. But there’s no point in arguing. I’d just rather an official tell me “well I saw it this way and here’s why” or “Yeah it was a toss-up” or even “That’s the way it goes – deal”. I’ve made my point, knowing it won’t change anything except maybe in a future match. But seriously – any experienced coach has disagreed with calls and works an official a little. The key phrase being a little. But that’s a FAR cry from stories like you read above – nothing justifies behavior like that. As for parents – they should just stay out of it and coaches need to calm down, realize these are kids, and that any disagreements they have should be saved for later. Repeat after me – screaming at the referee is not going to change anything during a match, except maybe make it more likely your team gets cited more, and in the long run, hurts everyone.
So parents – cheer your kids and leave the referees alone. Coaches – remember the example you are setting for your players. I can 100% guarantee you that you will experience a match with your kids that a referee completely blows for their team. But that’s life and screaming like a maniac is not going to help things. Especially if the referee is younger. Instead, if it was really bad, let the assignor know so they can work with the younger referee to get better and continue to improve. Of course any referee assignor or league official will tell you that questions raised over calls are more likely to be due to parents and coaches not knowing the rules well, vs the referee actually making the wrong call. So make sure you know what you’re talking about first!
Of course I can’t post a story like this without asking youth soccer officials to do something as well – if you’re going to make a call blow your whistle loudly so everyone can hear it and when you make a call, make it with authority even if you are unsure – parents and coaches sense weakness. You’re a lot less likely to catch grief from the sidelines if you make those calls with authority, especially in Rec matches where parents and even some coaches are less likely to know the rules well.
If we keep driving younger kids out of officiating, we’ll never have enough qualified referees to handle things when your kids are older and playing in high school or beyond.
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March 5th, 2008 at 2:51 pm
Busy Girl started officiating when she was 9.
At the ripe old age of 11 (and she was a good referee, I’d say it if she weren’t, she passed the grade 8 exam), she had adult males (coach and parents) screaming at her.
I actually had to go get help one game.
She no longer referees.
March 5th, 2008 at 2:55 pm
We don’t let kids referee until they’re 13 – but even then, the behavior of the parents is insane at times in some leagues and it drives new referees away in droves.
December 23rd, 2008 at 4:59 pm
Mike–Here’s a longish but true set of stories. We often struggle finding refs for our U6 games, sometimes relying on parents or assistant coaches to act as linesmen and nothing else. There is a very talented 10 YO soccer player in the community, F, and he volunteered to ref one of my games last spring. We were playing the Panthers who had not lost or tied any games and were winning by 6 or more goals. Their coach was a Scot, a big man with a military bearing, and the assistant also very large and loud in support of his talented daughter on the team. At any rate, it was a tight game, 1 to 1 at half; I was at the far end of the field and my star player (my son btw) had a long break away that was cut off physically in the box by two defenders. F called a foul and a penalty kick, which went off before I had a chance to even get to mid-field. The shot was blocked but, like 5 and 6 year olds, most of the kids were just standing around and my son scooped up the rebound and scored. The coach and his assistant went a bit crazy, running out on the field to confront F about the call, coming up to me to argue about it (as if I had anything to say, though I did shake my head at their looniness) and stomping around in frustration. Anyway, we tied 2-2 and the two of them continued to harangue F and his father about the call after the game. F wouldn’t ref any more games in the spring and, since we know his family, we knew that he was really bothered by the confrontation.
This fall some of the kids played in U6 again but none of the Panthers nor their coaches were in the league this time as those kids were too old. We talked to F’s mom and convinced her that this was a less tense group and F should get out his whistle, esp. since his little sister was playing. He reffed again and was happy to be out on the field without incident, though I suspect he will avoid the U8 crowd next spring.
December 24th, 2008 at 1:41 pm
Mind boggling at how intense U6 parents can be. We’ve always used the coaches as referees for U5/U6 and it’s worked for the most part. The trouble happens when one coach chooses to ignore the rules or doesn’t bother to read them and tries to officiate on their own set of rules. We try to make sure everyone knows them, but sometimes they still choose to ignore it. It’s getting better though. Our U7 division recently went 4v4 and the coaches have done well officiating. We don’t use official referees until U8. We also don’t let kids referee until their 13, simply because of the few parents who lose perspective. We want kids to referee as they get older because we need so many officials with the growth of the game – the less that get turned off by nutso parents the better!
This is one reason our league is VERY strict about entering the field. Parents or coaches who enter the field without referee permission are subject to D&A and it happens. We are clear up front about this and it helps that the parents know the league is serious. Heck we’ve had coaches subject to D&A hearings for screaming at referees without stepping foot on the field. There’s just no place ofr it and when education, cajoling, and the like don’t work – you take out the stick 🙂
December 28th, 2008 at 12:53 am
well it seems to be the same the world over.
We have the same problems here in New Zealand with coaches and parents losing their cool.
People get so carried away and forget that it’s a game that children just want to play.
I have been a coach and ref for years but no matter how long you do either, there is always someone who screams and slings abuse at you.
My own son start coaching 6 and 7 yrs at the age of 10 and started reffing at age 11.He still plays at age 24 but will NEVER coach or ref another game because of the abuse he received.
December 30th, 2008 at 11:08 pm
That’s pretty young to be coaching – but unfortunate that he was turned off to coaching and reffing. Definitely a common problem for us with referees. The parental abuse turns kids off to it so they don’t gain the experience needed to be good officials.
June 24th, 2010 at 3:15 pm
I’m not sure if you read or post on your site anymore as the last comment was resonded to two years ago. I appreciate what you wrote about the parents and coaches. I refed when I was 13 and yes I was scared by the “big bad coaches” one of who stood towering over me as I ejected his head coach. I’m now 30 and just got back into it. Our classes tell us to deal with problem coaches in a very strict manner because of the usual reason of losing too many referees(we had 150 not recertify this past spring). Does it bother me at this age? Of course noone likes to get yelled at, but so far I have tossed coaches and one parent(come very close to more) since last fall. The one parent I tossed wouldnt leave me alone after the game because he was apologizing so much about his behavior. Anyway, like you, I have heard many cases of out of control parents and coaches and while I don’t like to get strict or stern it doesn’t bother me to do so and I think all other “older” referees should do so as well so that it hopefully doesn’t happen to our younger learning referees. Thanks again Soccer Dad.
June 24th, 2010 at 5:44 pm
Catching up as well. A few comments:
Collectively, we are our own worst enemies – to wit:
1) Why are we even keeping score/having penalty kicks at the U6 level? I know the folks who read this blog know this – but I wish more club administrators/DOCs would read the National Player Development manual about what U8/U6 level soccer should focus on. U10 and below soccer is about development — players, coaches, and refs – that’s why we don’t keep official scores/standings and we mandate only the barest of licensing. Most rec programs I know are extremely good values for what you pay/what you get; however, if you want to pay “good money,” there are higher level programs that will gladly take much more of your money — and in return, won’t put up with you saying anything from the sideline.
2) I’m still amazed that U10 level coaches actively teach higher level tactics like offside trap in non-competitive age groups. Yes, coach pressure defense, coach basic formations and spatial flow, etc.. but offside trap when you KNOW most of your games are being officiated by kids who themselves are still learning the game? U10 is still about ball mastery at the individual level with just a hint of basic tactics. The game and team construct at this age group are merely methods for individuals to develop ball and decision-making skills.
3) Most clubs/leagues can do simple things — 1) Assemble the players and spectators before each game and read the expected code of conduct for all participants; 2) Have a representative “on-duty” who can come over to watch/assess the situation when a ref or coach has an issue with someone; 3) Have a video camera on-hand to record when someone is being out of line (we have a standard you consent to being recorded if you step on our property sign); 4) Don’t post game scores/team standings at U10 and below; 5) Enforce the 2 age groups up for referees; 6) Have a standard form for coaches to fill out on refs handy/part of the coaching packet — coaches shouldn’t be yelling at the refs, but there has to be mechanisms for feedback that gets to the refs and some closing the loop with the coaches.
I agree with the ending part on ref development. What I really like about our club’s program is the kids have to first pass ‘dressing the part’ and “blowing the whistle” before they can even start the formal classes.
August 3rd, 2010 at 11:13 am
Bob,
Good points. I think if more Rec programs pushed coaching certifications – the programs would be an even better value. But to see people continue to fight small sided at U10 and below is crazy. That said – I’ll be the first to say no offside at U10 is a mistake. Teach the basics!
It’s funny, maybe it’s just our league, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen an offside trap in U10/U12. Now I get accused of it all the time because I push my defense up to midfield when we’re on the attack. But we don’t actively ‘trap’. Even at the travel level – I’ve seen a team actively trap rarely and then only on a free kick. My defense does it now because they’ve taught themselves – they ‘get’ offside and the advantage it presents after playing pressure defense for years. But to actively coach it – the mind boggles and I’d venture to say the league is failing there by not addressing glaring coaching deficiencies like that.
As for #3 – right on. I may repost that up front – all great ideas…
August 3rd, 2010 at 11:18 am
RefGuy10 – took a little hiatus, but more and more people are starting to comment on posts here – even old ones so glad you submitted one!
Tossing coaches absolutely should be a referee weapon, but also is one to be used with care. The pendulum can swing both ways. Recall a tournament a year ago where a 20 something ref made it a POINT to show off the chip on his shoulder and border line antagonized the parents AND coaches to question him, then swung his stick to eject many of them. Was sad to see and was completely unnecessary. This was the exception, of course. But still a risk and finding that happy medium is never easy.