Yes, I know. There are SO many more important things to blog about like the start of the Premiership Season, fall youth leagues getting underway, etc. But I’ve had a horrific month at work, the kids woke me up at 2AM, and I can’t get back to sleep, so its time for some randomness.

I get a kick out of seeing what search terms bring people to my sites. You see some interesting stuff. A site I help run that is nothing but a collection of ‘top ten lists’ once saw hits from a Google search for Elf Porn. No lie. But come on … Elf Porn??? Alas, I digress.


Normally I see a variety of search terms in my stats, usually related to youth soccer rules or administration (3v3 rules, 7v7 roster sizes, etc).

So I’m checking out my site stats this early morning and in addition to a LOT of search hits for The Cleats of Imminent Doom, which I hope IFC shows again soon, I seem to get a number of hits related to Soccer Mom’s. So on a whim I saw a hit for ‘I am not a Soccer Mom’, ran it on Google, and came across this post from the Java Diva which sums up, quite well IMHO, what many parents claim when saying ‘I am NOT a statistic, one of those soccer parent things’

I may be a mom who has a son playing soccer, but I am not a "soccer mom." I don’t look like I am about to head to the country club after the game. I don’t own a shirt that says "World’s Greatest Soccer Mom." And I have never owned a scrunchi that is decorated with cute little soccer balls and is color co-ordinated with the team colors . In fact, I would probably have to smack anyone on our team that did have one of those. Just a warning, people.

Classic Soccer Mom denial. My wife went through it too. And guess how long our daughter played before she searched far and wide for one of those soccer ball scrunchies? Unfortunately we didn’t halt the infection in time and she progressed to full fledged soccer league administrator recruiting sponsors for our teams. But the Java Diva coined a new term for a syndrome we’re all familiar with:

I am not a soccer mom who "sideline coaches" her son. I don’t berate him or scream that he could do better. I don’t kick the ground in disgust when my kid does something less than stellar.

That being said, I will confess to this: I apparently have a condition known as Soccer Game Tourettes Syndrome. Apparently, I tend to tense up and spew vulgarities during games. Certainly not where anyone can hear me – except of course, the few other parents that I hang out with on sidelines. They have the same condition, so we fit together just fine. Our team has been together for 5 years. We have become like a family, so we accept the good and the bad of each other. Even the 4 letter words.

Soccer Tourettes Syndrome – STS. Classic. Now I know what my wife and two of her best friends suffer from. We call them the Three Musketeers as they can get rather, um, rowdy during the games. My wife has a very, um, let’s see, um, shrill, voice that carries FAR when she gets agitated. (Man I’m going to spend a week on the couch for that one) But there are also times when the Fabulous Three will mutter among themselves and from the far sidelines where we coaches are, you know they aren’t swapping recipes. But the Java Diva knows she has a problem and is ready to deal with it:

We used to gossip and share our weeks with each other during the games. We would occasionally shout out a "Go team" or "That’s okay! Don’t quit now!" It was a social event with a soccer game in the background. Now, we actually watch the game. We pace the sidelines. We mumble obscenities under our breath at stupid plays or bad calls. We understand the calls! The plays! The rules! Amazing.

Oh good lord, I think I may be turning into a soccer mom.

Yup, no question Diva, you’re a Soccer Mom. That’s OK. Millions share your affliction and are coming to terms with it. I get a kick out of watching the parents who join our league progress from standing on the sidelines while their kids play (i.e. watching over them) to actually watching them and getting into the games. Its quite funny. Oh and for those of you who are ready to accept your destiny as Soccer Mom’s, soccer scrunchies can be found everywhere.

So do you have your own ‘The day I realized I was a Soccer Mom’ moment? Or are you still in denial? Come to the round side. Its not so bad being a soccer parent! Just don’t trip over the soccer balls – they seem to reproduce like rabbits.