I found this over at the NC Soccer Forums, apparently an email from the NCYSA to the coaches who have teams going to the State Cup Final Four in Greensboro. I agree with the poster – I’ll have some of what they’re smoking:

Important Notes Regarding the Final Four. Please review with your players, parents and coaches.

No Pets Allowed at Bryan Park. Do not be astounded and flabbergasted when you are asked to remove your pet from the facility. You can lock them in the hot car, in which HARD COPY will be interviewing you for pet-abuse; or you can sell it to an unscrupulous black-market individual who will do "who knows what" with Fido. Bottom line, leave the pets at home.

There is NO alcohol allowed at any NCYSA Sanctioned event. If alcohol is detected, then you will be escorted from the facility and there will be more problems than Elliot Ness chasing Jim Beam at a wine-tasting convention.

Please show courtesy when warming up and do congregate behind anyone’s goal area while a match is in progress. Those doing so will be asked to move and we will have the Topeka, Kansas , Marching Cymbal Quintet playing a catalogue of PRINCE songs behind your goal. Teams will take up opposite sides of the field from their players and coaches – directly opposite their team bench. Teams are asked to stay on their respective side of the "50 yard line". However, any spectators caught abusing the sidelines with abhorrent behavior will cause Tournament Staff to swoop down, putting everyone in time-out and there is no ice cream for anyone. If you start to get too excited, take an aspirin.

Player Ejections. Players ejected from a match will escorted to a HQ area for the remainder of their team’s match. Adult send-offs will result in those individuals leaving the complex until the completion of their team’s NEXT match. (Check at the HQ area for rules regarding DOC ejections.)

U14-U19 USYS State Cup Teams winning Championships will advance to Regional Play in Oklahoma . Please be sure to get your team packet after the awards presentation. U13-U17 President’s Kepner Cup Teams winning Championships will advance to Regional Play in Tampa, Florida . Please be sure to get your team information sheet after the awards presentation. You can visit www.r3presidentscup.com for information. June 7-10, 2007 are the dates.

All teams winning State Championships will receive a State Champion t-shirt, courtesy of NCYSA. There will be a few extra shirts available for those who need to trade sizes. I know, I know – what were we thinking when we ordered THAT size for your team. All teams winning State Championships should go to the designated area for team pictures by the Mark McIntyre (official photographer), after the awards presentations. Failure to do so will mean your team picture will NOT be in the August newsletter and we get to choose the replacement photo from a collection of animals at the Moscow Zoo.

There are several trains that run at the entrance of Bryan Park. Be allow yourself enough time in case you have to wait for a graffiti-laced train. If you can read the gang-related graffiti on the train cars, then you watch too much COPS.

That’s about it. Please keep checking the website for updates. We will also email teams with important info. You may sign up for text messaging on the new state cup pages.

Good luck and enjoy the great weekend of soccer!

Comedy Gold. Nice to see someone in the State Office has a good sense of humor!