We need to make sure nobody tells George Bush about this. He might send cruise missiles towards FIFA’s headquarters.
I can’t bring myself to watch those evildoers in Germany. Would be unpatriotic! Too many links to terrorism I tell ya! Gonna have to get Rummy & Cheney on the case. Something needs to be done! What kind of sport only lets you use your feet? Must be so you can shoot a gun at the same time! Not going to happen on MY watch! Time to get the NSA to start monitoring all these soccer blogs – you know they’re just tools for terrorism!
Lord help us – if the mainstream soccer hating media catches wind of this, all we’ll see for headlines in the U.S. will be:
Soccer Is The Sport Of Terrorists!!!
Yes, this post is satire. Mostly. Sigh. I weep for my country.